Screw Veterans, Children, the Poor and the Elderly…We’ve Got To Save Television!

Proving once again to have their collective finger on the pulse of what really matters, the federal government has begun dispensing $40 coupons to households in the effort to make sure that no American will go without their precious television shows. All told, up to $1.5 BILLION has been set aside to protect the interests of electronics manufacturers, broadcasting networks, and pretty much anyone who has a commercial to run on television.

For years, the public has been told about the upcoming conversion to digital transmission for television signals. Of course, this is a topic that is about as interesting to the average person as the molecular make-up of peanut-butter (which may account for the fact that 51% of people still have no idea that this is coming.) In fact, the switch is coming soon- February 18, 2009 to be exact. On that day, any person who does not own a digital telelvision set and still gets their television signal "over-the-air" with an antenna will suddenly be greeted with static and snow when they turn on their set. Imagine the horror! Imagine the fear! Imagine the mass panic! What the f%#k happened to our TV???

Fortunately, Congress in its infinite wisdom, foresaw such a widespread panic in the making and has worked ahead of the curve to provide a solution. Because of this coupon give-away program, there should be no reason for any American to lose even a second of life-giving television viewing when the switch is made.

For the record, I work in the television industry. Television literally pays my bills, so of course I am happy in a sense that so many people prefer to sit for hours in front of their sets instead of doing other things. So for my own personal reasons, making sure that everyone can get a TV signal is a good thing. But to spend $1.5 BILLION of federal tax money to make sure that people don't lose their signal? Give me a freaking break! This is beyond ludicrous, it's obscene.

America has many more pressing problems that could be helped with a billion and a half dollars. Dilapidated schools. Hospital shortages. Food pantry closures. Making sure our veterans don't get screwed every time they turn around. I could go on and on and on. The last thing we need to be throwing money at is television converter boxes.

Let's face reality here. Americans are already so addicted to television that they will go out and buy the damn boxes themselves. Even the people who can't really afford to. The anecdotal proof is in the pudding- I can't tell you how many times my wife or I have been to the grocery store and seen a family ahead of us splilt their purchases into two piles: one pile of food that they pay for with food stamps, and one pile of dvd's and video games and beer that they pay for with cash. Or how about the fact that most people consider someone who lives without television to be really wierd? In the land of the free and the home of the brave, even the poorest houses have at least one television. So when the government starts throwing out money to "help people keep their television's working" I want to wretch. Because this is a program that is unnecessary, wasteful, and offensive in a time where dollars are short and there are many things more important to fund.

Of course, politicians need television, and they need people to get television signals, so this is as much self-preservation for them as it is a nod to their contributors and a give-away to the public. But hey- who am I to rage? When it's all said and done, the Great Television Coupon Give-Away of 2008 may well end up being the most popular thing that the 2006 Democratic Congressional winners can produce. After all, if there's one thing every American would probably agree on it's that life without television is just, well, un-American.

(cross posted at Bring It On!)